No Gimmick Required

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Index of Raywat Deonandan’s sports entertainment columns on 411mania.com. The column is titled, No Gimmick Required.

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Wherefore Art Thou, Smackdown?

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Wherefore Art Thou, Smackdown? No Gimmick Required

Wherefore Art Thou, Smackdown?

I’ve been away, I know. But I got stories to tell!

by Raywat Deonandan
July 18, 2003

This column is a regular feature on 411mania.com. It is reproduced here with the author’s permission.


Wow, this is the longest I’ve been absent from this place. No real excuse this time…. but I’m going to try to give you one. A few months ago, I got a call from a reporter from USA Today who was doing a feature on premature deaths in wrestling; I was to be his “expert” contact. That went on for about a minute until I confessed that I’m just a shmo who writes for a website, and humbly forwarded him to “real experts” like Meltzer, Ryder and even Scott Keith. Still, the reporter and I traded phone calls for a few days as the article evolved. He managed to score interviews with Vince Russo (who apparently was very eager to talk) and Superstar Billy Graham, among others. I was going to suggest he speak to The Ultimate Warrior, who –as I’ve proclaimed in this column before– is an idiot. But the reporter earned my renewed respect when, upon reading some of Warrior’s website articles, declared, “this guy is nuts.”

Not sure if anything ever came of all the research the reporter was doing. Maybe it was buried when he was scooped by ESPN. (I think it was ESPN.) Probably a good thing, since I don’t think the general public can properly contextualize the world of wrestling without drawing upon their biases and preconceptions. Then again, the more I think about it, many of those biases and preconceptions are actually quite accurate.

Then this whole SARS thing happened. I’m an epidemiologist from Canada, so I watched that adventure unfold with something resembling singular attention. Most of my free writing time was thus dedicated to SARS-related articles and even a radio interview. CBC Newsworld –Canada’s version of CNN, for you American types– even called me for a live TV interview, but by the time they had it scheduled, the crisis was “off the front page,” so they scrubbed it. Bastards. And I got a haircut and everything.

So then I targeted my attention back to wrestling. And it was boring. I mean really boring. For the life of me, I could not generate anything resembling interest in our faux sport. Several weeks passed and Ultimo Dragon debuted on Smackdown. Finally, I had a reason to write a column! So I jotted down some paragraphs about my observations of the current WWE product, but got distracted by… oh, I dunno, let’s say howler monkeys. I got distracted by howler monkeys.

As a result, dear friends, today’s column will feature the finest in cover-my-ass writing. Some call it weak and unworthy, but I call it creative meta-script. Or is that an HTML feature? Whatever. Below are the seven snippets of observations I made during that particular Smackdown when Dragon made his debut, followed my comments on my own commentary:

  1. Man, I got chills watching Ultimo Dragon’s debut. It’s been a while since WWE carried off a debut this well. I’m pleasantly surprised that, contrary to their usual policy, WWE has chosen to recognize the international accomplishments of their wrestlers. Imagine if Benoit had been given the same treatment for his debut.

    Ultimo Dragon was the only reason I used to watch WCW back in the day. Of course, it’s only a matter of time before he’s teaming with Funaki, being squashed by A-Train and Big Show in curtain jerkers. In the mean time, I enjoyed the old school Japanese booking, having both Kidman and Rey-Rey at ringside. It felt like a Pride martial arts PPV, and that’s a good thing. My only complaint is that Dragon’s debut was not the main event.

    A couple of weeks later, and where exactly is Ultimo Dragon? Last I saw, he was jobbed to Eddie Guerrero. So much for instant superstar.

  2. I’m sure everyone else will be joking about Bradshaw’s new look, so I won’t bother. Snicker.

    Wow, no one joked about Bradshaw’s new look. Come on, people! A shirtless cowboy with man-boobs and a $200 West Hollywood dye job? This stuff should write itself.

  3. Roddy Piper is working out just fine. His ring work has been limited and well booked. He took the pin against Eddie Guerrero, thus protecting O’Haire. Piper was never a great technician, so his old fogey style is not so different from what he’s always done. In short, he’s serving his function well. And, to be honest, it’s nice to have someone on Smackdown! who knows how to work the mic, other than Vince and Angle.

    Well, look at that. Piper is gone and my comment is obsolete.

  4. Did you see that overly long NIKE basketball commercial, the one with pointless shots of sweaty bare-chested men? Is TNN the “network for men”, or just the network for GAY men?

    Oops. It seems I was watching UPN, not TNN. Never mind.

  5. Did you notice Vince refer to “Death” as “she”? Less circumspect psychologists might want to explore this snip with a mind toward explaining his clear mysogyny.

    It’s true, he called Death “she.” What does this mean? It suggests to me that Vince perceives the feminine mystique as not only dangerous and alluring, but also evil. This is a serious thing. It explains his obsession with all things masculine and his insistence on reducing all his female employees to subservient sexual roles. There’s a thesis here for somebody.

  6. This Mr. America thing is okay by me. I despise jingoism, but that’s not the point. Somehow, yet again, Hulk Hogan has found a way to extend his career another year or two. You gotta give him credit.

    Well,look at that. Hogan is gone and my comment is obsolete.

  7. Question: does the U.S. title really have any legacy left to it, now that it’s a new physical belt AND now that there’s a break with the original lineage? I know, wrestling is fake. But because it’s fake, this title lineage thing is important to maintaining some sense of importance to the titles. I’ve yet to feel it for either the U.S. or Intercontinental titles. Or the RAW title, for that matter.

    This really concerns me (inasmuch as anything having to do with wrestling can really concern anyone). The belts are the only thing these characters are supposed to care about. Sure, they have pride and all that other superficial macho bullshit that cause the feuds, but the actual in-ring wrestling is supposed to be about eventually acquiring and defending a belt.

    Here are the factors that maintain an aura of importance around a belt in a fictional sport:

      1. long title reigns by acceptable champions
      2. a traceable lineage of title holders
      3. having good wrestlers compete their hearts out for it
      4. physical demonstrations of respect for both the title and the belt

    The US and Intercontinental titles have lost #2 and, because of the era in which we live, #1. There’s a truism that the lads on Live Audio Wrestling repeat often: wrestling is about having a strong chamption with an important title that everyone else wants. All feuds flow from that scenario, and all main event conflicts end with a challenge within that scenario. yet somehow, in the post-Invasion era, WWE has forgotten this basic kernal of wrestling storytelling. When was the last time wrestlers faced off in an emotional conflict just for want of a belt?

Okay, I’ve got to go pack. Get this: I’m heading to South America this weekend to do some consulting work…. but I don’t have the appropriate travel documents! Not sure how serious this is, but the next time you hear from (or about) me, I just might be in a Third World jail being traded for cigarettes by men named Pedro and Jorge. Ewww.

Disclaimer:

Um, upon re-reading today’s column, it seems that I made a lot of gay references. I just want to say that this is indicative of nothing! (Somewhere in the distance, several of Raywat’s more bitter ex-girlfriends mutter, “yeah right.”)

Until next time, I’m Raywat Deonandan, and I don’t swing that way.


The Exploitation of Fame

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The Exploitation of FameNo Gimmick Required

The Exploitation of Fame

WWE will have no future if it can’t stop eating the present.

by Raywat Deonandan
October 8, 2002

This column is a regular feature on 411wrestling.com. It is reproduced here with the author’s permission.

“Raywhat Deonadrano (like I keep track of these names) is bigger than… umm…. He’s bigger than Wade Keller! ” -Flea

Yeah, baby!

I do apologize, gentle readers, for my prolonged absence. Yes, sometimes my life involves distractions, activities, proclivities and priorities which have nothing to do with wrestling. Sad, but true. (In the distance, my ex-girlfriend sighs audibly.)

Everyone has heard the news by now, I think. This website is presently the Undisputed Champion of wrestling websites, having overtaken 1bob in the rankings. As a result of our rapid expansion, the bosses are asking all the writers to do our own HTML mark-up. This means that I can now include important things like this:

Okay, now that my requisite Alyson Hannigan worship is completed, let’s move on to today’s topic. I think that out of all the wrestling writers on the web, I have the finest group of regular readers. (Insert cheap Mick Foley thumbs-up here.) They always impress me with their literacy and curiosity. One such reader is Ana M., who wrote me a thought-provoking letter about something WWE rarely gets criticized for: unrestrained exploitation of its employees’ fame.

Ana writes:

“As much as I agree with what you say about the 3 things that are wrong with wrestling, I still think their biggest problem is exploitation. Once someone gets famous, the WWE immediately puts them on TV for about 60% of every broadcast, which makes the stars get old quickly. Examples are Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, Sable, the nWo and worst of all, the Rock. The WWE and all wrestling shows need to learn moderation…”

No one will disagree that, as a going business, WWE is justified in viewing its employees as commodities (to a reasonable extent; I’m no corporate apologist). To seek to benefit from the successes of its own engineered products is, in many ways, no different from reaping the rewards of a smart investment. The problem that I, and I think Ana, have with it is the extent to which this reaping is performed, and the short-sightedness and wastefulness of its execution. Mainstream fame, like that acquired by Hulk Hogan, Mick Foley, Steve Austin and The Rock, is often the result of the WWE marketing machine, and is therefore a primary product which need not be squandered.

One of the facets of wrestling I find so fascinating is its separation of hype from substance, honing its marketing arm to become the true product, replacing actual athleticism in situ. (Hulk Hogan’s wrestling is pitiful, but his persona is the true marketable product.) You see, I don’t watch real sports, except for the occasional boxing or MMA fight. Playing sports is a lot of fun, but I don’t see the point in watching others do it… except for the drama and spectacle that is often implicit in professional sports.

The magic of professional wrestling is that, in the absence of actual competition, wrestling has learned to celebrate the spectacle of its faux competition. That’s why fancy tights, weird names and gimmicks and –above all else– flashy entrances make up the lion’s share of any wrestling programme. Each wrestling show is supposed to be a mini Rocky, rightly focusing on the character and story, with the fake fight with Apollo Creed thrown in only at the climax. In the modern world of wrestling, it’s more important for performers to convincingly carry the former roles –the acting, the gimmickry, the setup– and less important to be able to adequately wrestle in the climactic latter physical sequence. I don’t agree with this mentality, but I acknowledge that it is the current mindset of the WWE oligarchy.

Building the characters, growing the product, cultivating the merchandise and shaping saleable wrestlers — these are the bread-and-butter tasks of a modern national wrestling company, from a corporate perspective. (From the fan’s perspective, of course, the core product is simply a good show.)

Having said that, once such cultivation reaches ripeness, as in the case of The Rock, there is a temptation to devour the fruit right on the vine, instead of savouring its goodness for a good long time. When The Rock became a movie star, he was everywhere on the mainstream media. For the first time since Hogan’s heyday, WWE had a wrestler with a positive image who was a palatable ambassador to the mainstream. Simply a suggestion that he might appear on Raw or Smackdown! caused ratings to go up. But instead of teasing his return from Hollywood with vignettes or sly backstage segments, he was thrown right into the main event with, of course, a ridiculous “main event interview.”

In their defense, at the time of The Rock’s return from Hollywood, WWE (then ‘F’) was languishing in the failed Invasion angle, and was badly in need of an infusion of vitality. (Little did they know that it was the beginning of a long, slow slide.) Even so, I hoped they would do the smart thing and sustain their investment’s drawing power. I visualized artistic vignettes with subtle, brief non-speaking showdowns between Rock and (then WCW champion) Booker T. But, indicative of the short-span booking of the era, the WCW belt was quickly thrown around Rock’s waist in a free television match (which wasn’t even the main event), sucking away both the mystique of the belt and the larger-than-life appeal of the man.

When Hulk Hogan returned late last year, do you recall the electricity of seeing his legendary figure step into the ring to confront current superstars, like Rock and Austin? Surreal didn’t begin to describe it. The crowd response to Hogan at Wrestlemania was simply humbling. So what did WWE do? They put Hogan in every possible match-up on every free TV show they could, even giving him the Undisputed Title for a short, implausible run. The nWo and its related main event angles were sacrificed for this little exercise in short-term exploitation.

Contract issues aside, was this the best way to harness Hogan’s popularity? That kind of mystique and audience reverence could have been sustained for some time longer:

  1. with conservative booking,
  2. by holding off on the Red-and-Gold transformation,
  3. by keeping Hogan in the nWo and easing him out in such a way to maintain the credibility of the stable,
  4. by saving the big Hogan match-ups and team-ups for pay-per-views, and
  5. by keeping him off camera while teasing his upcoming appearances.

In cases like this, less is definitely more. Ana put it well:

“They singlehandedly destroyed the nWo that day because they thought it would be a better idea to make Hogan a good guy since people popped for him really loudly at the pay-per-view. Now look at Hogan. No one really cares about him…”

WWE has been guilty of this kind of throw-away booking for some time now. I would not be surprised to discover that this philosophy became cemented shortly after the company went public. The demands of a publicly traded corporate entity are different than those of a privately owned business. Share-holders demand financial results on a quarterly basis. Unfortunately, angles are difficult to book to climax during a quarterly closing, and the vicissitudes of audience heat cannot be constrained to fit an accountant’s schedule.

The result is that investments in character development, wrestler charisma and storyline progression, which were made in better times, are being consumed with abandon to satisfy a demand to show regular success, while new investments are not being made for maturation in the next business cycle. How will the next Rock or Hogan arise? I don’t think one can, at least not while the seeds for future success are being furiously consumed today.

Until next time, I’m supposedly Raywhat Deonandrano. Visit me at www.deonandan.com.